A memorable and pivotal experience that everyone should have: step out of our comfort zone to appreciate the world and understand people
I am a Singaporean and have been living and working in Singapore. I spent several years doing quite intensive regional work in South East Asia, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, and Sub-Saharan Africa while based in Singapore.
In 2016, I was given the opportunity to work in Abu Dhabi, the United Arab Emirates, and in 2019 in Shanghai, China. Previously, I had resisted several times being posted overseas; attributing my inertia to being comfortable in Singapore where everything is familiar and convenient, and where family and friends are here. The change represents my hesitation and resistance. Once overseas, this turns out to be a very valuable, memorable and pivotal life experience, especially coming from a very small country like Singapore and compared to being a tourist and travelling for work.
1. Friendship everywhere
四海之内皆兄弟 — 子夏 (Zixia), a prominent disciple of Confucius
When one’s attitude towards others is respectful and courteous, brothers are everywhere.
My social circle has been mainly of family members, schools, work, and interest groupings; hardly step out of the social circle.
Once overseas, I had to network to make new friends. Initially, it was out of necessity to get things done such as renting apartments and buying or renting cars. I went to many social gatherings to network. I got to know many Singaporeans and foreigners from diverse backgrounds that I would not usually meet, such as oil & gas, aviation, civil defence, property development, healthcare, airlines, and civil engineering. They helped to orient and to settle down in the new country and for social gatherings. Great friendships were forged that make my overseas stay very memorable and the friendship continues thereafter.
2. Not born equal
Randomness, chance, and luck influence our lives and our work more than we realize. It’s more random than we think, not it is all random. Chance favours preparedness, but it is not caused by preparedness (same for hard work, skills).Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
We cannot choose which parents, which country, and which period to be born into. However, we do have opportunities to strive for a better future and grab the few windows of opportunity that come.
I had met many who come to the United Arab Emirates because their countries are not politically stable such as Iraq, Syria, Bosnia, Afghanistan and/or had economic challenges that they uprooted for a better future for themselves and family.
Every life story told was fascinating and left a deep impression on me. An Iraqi colleague related how his family fled to UAE after the fall of President Saddam Hussein. Holding an Iraqi passport makes him difficult to be accepted in many countries. With his home country unable to go back, he has to make things work out in UAE.
What are the taxi drivers, construction workers and domestic helpers working for? It became a question we pondered among ourselves being overseas. They may get to visit their countries and families every two years for a few weeks. We do earn more with a possible better future. However, often, it is a huge personal sacrifice. It is more for the parents, siblings, spouse, and children to have better lives and a brighter future; a life purpose for the better of others.
In Shanghai, I met an impressive young lady in her twenties from Yunan (about 2,600km away from Shanghai) whose parents are farmers. She started as a waitress and become a sales executive. She said that her starting point was at a disadvantage; either she accepts the fact and be a farmer like her parents or she works hard and strives for a better future. She came to Shanghai to prove herself. When asked how she transited from waitress to sales executive, she said stoically chance favoured the prepared. Despite her starting point, she is very determined to catch up.
3. Empathy: Seek to understand the differences, then be understood
Our different upbringings in different education, work, social, political, and economic systems evolved with the country’s development and its governance will develop us into having different beliefs and values systems, priorities, and expectations. Everyone can have different beliefs, standards, common sense, common knowledge, logic and even the concept of time. Everyone is different. It can add to confusion and misunderstanding. We need to clarify to understand and then be understood. These do add to a more interesting and memorable experience.
As a foreigner working overseas, I can better appreciate what is at stake compared to a local — their family, apartment rental, children’s education, loans, and sometimes, not wanting to relocate back to the home country, especially when they have been overseas for many years and their home country is more foreign to their kids. Many will make sure they are in the good books of the bosses and with different approaches. They will work hard to ensure their relevance in the organization. Some hoard information and critical works to themselves, avoid “risky” tasks and projects that will jeopardize their careers and be yes man than say what is right. In organizational right-sizing, foreigners are usually the first to be affected. Being a foreigner with a lot at stake, survival matters. By understanding the context better, their actions will be more understandable to me.
Being able to work with people of various nationalities in different countries also allows a better understanding and sensitivity of race and religion in societies and how they can be stereotyped. What is the status quo in the home country can be very different in another society. It can also be difficult to fathom how human beings of different nationalities, races and religions are being treated differently in various societies. It is good to be empathetic and open-minded to make friends and understand each other regardless of race and religion.
4. Gratitude: Love your country after you have stayed in another country
一出国，就爱国 — Zhang Weiwei (张维为), Professor of international relations, Fudan University, China
Professor Zhang Weiwei commented that with the development of China now especially in Tier-1 cities such as Shanghai, people will appreciate China better when they live in another country.
This is also very apt for Singaporeans. No matter how well developed a country like Singapore is and how good the government policies are, people will find it not good enough. There will be people unhappy with the government and the system. We take things for granted and many expect perfection. We lack comparison and empathy for the world at large.
Living abroad provides good reference points to compare and appreciate the different countries and governments. Being overseas, I can appreciate Singapore better and felt being grateful for being a Singaporean.
“The positive cannot exist without the negative.”Alan Watts
5. Relationships: Not taking things for granted
Being away gave me a much deeper appreciation of family, relationships, and friendship and to treasure them more. I missed being with the family, the meals and outgoings together, and important moments of the family members especially during festive seasons and birthdays. There would be a sense of helplessness whenever there are problems back home. Often, we may not share the challenges faced and let them worry; we worked on our own to resolve them.
6. Be immersive: Enjoy the country!
When we visit a country as a tourist, we stay in hotels, visit their key attractions and landmarks, buy their local produce and souvenirs, enjoy the weather, and eat the local delicacies. We do not interact much with the locals to get to know their lifestyles, culture, and perspectives.
Living and working overseas, we engage people daily and we make good friends. We learn about their history, their government, economy, social system and their culture at a much deeper level. To be effective at work, we have to understand and appreciate the local operating environment, cultural nuances and local business practices. There are many opportunities to tour and enjoy the country. All these make it a very immersive experience to understand and enjoy the country!
7. Appreciate the value of money
I was determined to achieve to save as much money as possible for the sacrifices made by relocating overseas alone. It was a huge sacrifice of working overseas and having the family back in Singapore. The monies earned were not for me and to spend on myself extravagantly.
The kids also have a better appreciation of money. It is often families coming from overseas to work in Singapore; it is rare for Singaporeans to leave their families behind in Singapore to work overseas alone.
8. Opportunity to learn
Being alone means plenty of personal time. I am determined to learn things that I wanted to learn but had been unable to. This was the best opportunity that I did want not to waste and regret.
I have always been interested in investing and want to improve especially with the savings being built up. Indeed, the monies earned and saved together with the investing skill learned helped to compound the money earned and saved.